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THE GREEN BAG

THE LIGHTER SIDE A Justifiable Desire.— Judge Dowling — "Have you anything to say against the verdict?" Prisoner (who has received life-sentence)— "Only that if I don't live to serve it out I wish you would put my attorney in to finish it." — Judge. Death Duties.— The race question on the Pacific slope is the mother of much curious litigation in which our Oriental laborers are involved. A Chinaman was fined under the California laws for removing the corpse of another Chinaman and shipping it back to China and a Federal court seriously decided that the corpse of a Chinaman which was shipped out of the country was not an export within the meaning of the Federal Constitu tional provision prohibiting the laying of imposts or duties by a state upon exports. Natural. — Before he was sworn the pre siding magistrate directed that the usual question be put to the negro: " Do you know the nature of an oath?" The old darky shifted himself from one foot to the other before replying. A sly grin crept into his face. " Well, Jedge," said he, " I cain't say how 'tis wid mos' folks; but, yo' Honah, I reckon it's sorter secon' nature wid me." The Man on the Stand. — Miss Lydia Conley, a Wyandotte girl, is the only Indian woman lawyer in the world. She is a member of the Kansas bar. She tells this story of a man she put on the stand to testify in his own behalf concerning land that was filched from him. The other side had a finely doctored case. "He, as soon as he was sworn, turned to the justice and said: ' Squire, I brought this suit, and yet the evidence, excepting my own, is all against me. Now, I don't accuse any one of lying, Squire, but these witnesses are the most mistaken lot of fellows I ever saw. You know me, Squire. Two years ago you got me a hoss for sound that was as blind as a bat. I made the deal and stuck to it, and this is the first time I have mentioned it.

When you used to buy my grain, Squire, you stood on the scales when the empty wagon was weighed, but I never said a word. Now do you think I am the kind of a man to kick up a rumpus and sue a fellow unless he has done me a real wrong? Why, Squire, if you'll recall that sheep speculation you and me"— "But,at this point the squire, very red in the face, hastily decided the case in the plaintiff's favor." — Rfhoboth Sunday Herald. A Spelling Reform. —• One of the witnesses in a lawsuit, who had just been sworn, was asked to give his name. He replied that it was Hinckley. Then the attorney for the prosecution requested him to give his name in full. "Jeffrey Alias Hinckley." "I am not asking you for your alias," said the lawyer, impatiently. " What is your real name?" "Jeffrey Alias Hinckley." "No trifling in this court, sir! " sternly spoke the judge. " Which is your right name — Jeffrey or Hinckley?" "Both of 'em, your honor." "Both of them? Which is your surname?" "Hinckley." "And Jeffrey is your given name?" "Yes, your honor." "Then what business have you with an alias?" "I wish I knew, your honor," said the witness, ruefully. " It isn't my fault." "What do you mean, sir? " demanded the judge, who was fast losing his temper. "I mean your honor, that Alias is my middle name, for some reason which my parents never explained to me. I suppose they saw it in print somewhere, and rather liked the looks of it. I'd get rid of it if I could do so without the newspapers finding it out and joshing me about it." "The Court suggests that hereafter the witness begin his middle name with an E instead of an A. Counsel will proceed with the examination," said the judge, coughing behind his handkerchief. — Youth's Com panion