< Page:The Green Bag (1889–1914), Volume 04.pdf
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issued the warrant to himself, he arrested the defendant himself, brought him for trial before himself, and was himself the only witness in the case. The defendant was convicted." — George F. Moore, Esq., Address before the Bar Association of Alabama, August, 1890. The "Journal of Jurisprudence of Edin burgh " gives the following good story of Mr. Justice Day, of England. " One of the quiet humorists of the English Bench is Mr. Justice Day. A saying is attributed to him, as having been made at the recent Leeds assizes, which did not get into the reports. One witness deposed that the de fendant spoke of the plaintiff as a 'damned thief.' The defendant's counsel at once in terposed in correction, 'A damned thief of a lawyer, my lord.' 'That addition,' Mr. Justice Day said, in his calm and philoso phic way, 'renders the saying perfectly innocuous.'" Mr. Irving Browne, the versatile editor of the " Albany Law Journal," is responsible for the following bit of judicial humor. " In the early days a certain judge was ChiefJustice of Wisconsin. He was not, to say the least, considered the ablest man that God ever made, and it was notorious from his decisions, whenever he tried to write one, that he owed his elevations to fortuities other than juridical. He was a very small man, and well formed, and had above all, or rather below all, an extremely shapely foot. One of his associates, Justice B , was a very large, ungainly man, awkward and homely, and, to add to it all, had a club foot. He was the brains of the Supreme Court Bench, however. One day, in riding circuit, Judges A and B stopped at a wayside tavern, and were ac commodated with one room, with two beds in it. Each judge stretched himself on a bed, and lay quietly until Judge A , looking up, saw Judge B looking in tently at his (Judge A 's) foot. ' What are you thinking about, Brother B ?' said Judge A . " Well, Judge A ,"

said Judge B , " I was thinking that if I had your foot, I would be almost willing to have your head.'" A Mr. Justice Partridge, an English mag istrate, upon authority of the " Pall Mall Gazette," quoted approvingly as to veracity by the "London Law Journal," recently sentenced two boys brought before him and convicted of stealing unripe pears from a Mr. Hammersmith, Solicitor, to the follow ing terrible punishment: He condemned each of the boys " to eat the remainder of the unripe fruit," and added the following awful brtitum fulmen, as he delivered his fearful sentence, " that he hoped the pears would make their stomachs ache." The following amusing anecdote, which was contributed by a member of the Steu ben County, New York, Bar, to the "Knick erbocker Magazine," is said to relate to Judge Helm, who resided at an early time in Bath, N. Y., and became one of the Judges of the Court of Common Pleas: "Among them was a jolly old Virginian. Judge H , a sportsman of the old school, of buff breeches and fair top-boots, well known throughout the country for genial habits and generous hospitality. He had been appointed a judge of the Court of Common Pleas. Though little versed in legal technicalities, he possessed a fund of genuine commonsense, which made him a good judge. On one occasion, in the absence of the first judge, it fell to him to charge the grand jury. The substance of the charge, so char acteristic of the man and of his opinions, is here given : ' Gentlemen of the Grand Jury, — In the absence of the first judge, it be comes my duty to address you. If you expect much of a charge, you will be disappointed, as it will be nothing but a squib. I see among you many gentlemen who understand the duties of grand jurors better than I do. I need only say, then, you know your duties, go ahead and perform them. The sheriff has handed me his crim inal calendar, by which it appears he has five poor devils in jail for various offences, —

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